


The Blood Is Love

by havokwritesstuff



Series: havokwritesstuff (blog) [4]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Blood, Hanahaki Disease, Other, death mentions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23114830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havokwritesstuff/pseuds/havokwritesstuff
Summary: You and Jason are in love with each other, but neither of you will admit it.
Relationships: Jason Todd/Reader
Series: havokwritesstuff (blog) [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1624438
Comments: 8
Kudos: 64





	The Blood Is Love

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a post about another version of Hanahaki disease where it is chronic (non fatal) and a physical representation of feelings that will go away once confessed.

_The sound of wood smacking wood filled the Batcave as you and Jason sparred. He was younger than you, a year to be exact, and quite a bit smaller, so he was quick with his movements, but you had the advantage in strength and experience since Bruce and Dick had been training you for years.  
_

_You were training with Jason for a few months, and he was getting better, which was why you weren’t completely shocked when he swiped at you with his bowstaff and knocked your legs out from under you. You hit the mat with a thump, and Jason was above you in a flash, his hand out for you to take. He probably should’ve been embarrassed about how quickly he came to your aid, but he couldn’t be._

_“Nice one, Jason!” You grinned and took his hand, letting him help you stand again._

_“Thanks,” he replied, fighting the heat that attempted to rise in his cheeks from your praise and your smile, sparkling as ever. At the same time, he felt something in his throat and tried to swallow, but it seemed it was no use._

_Your phone rang, echoing through the room, and you quickly checked the text before shoving it back in your pocket. “I have to meet Babs. See you tomorrow?”_

_“Yeah.” Jason was barely able to choke out the word, that same object making its way further up. You didn’t seem to notice and just shot him another smile before putting your staff back and leaving the cave. Once you were gone, he couldn’t hold it anymore. The object forced its way out of his throat and into his open palm, and his mouth was flooded with a familiar metallic taste._

_Jason looked at his hand to see a single, white petal, covered in drops of red._

—-

“Fuck!”

“You okay, Hood?” Asked Dick through the comms, grunting softly, as he was busy in a fight of his own.

Jason swallowed back the blood and petals that tried to force themselves from his throat. “I’m fine.” He quickly pushed himself from the ground and attacked the closest Riddler goon he saw, wanting to finish this as soon as possible.

Of course his disease had to rear its ugly head at the worst possible time, but when was coughing up bloody roses ever convenient? He’d been dealing with it for years though, since it didn’t go away even after his dip in the Lazarus Pit. It wasn’t fatal, just an annoying physical manifestation of his feelings. Nothing he couldn’t handle.

It felt like forever before everyone was in cuffs and Jason could finally get away from Dick. He ended up ducking into the closest alley he could find and tearing his helmet off so he could get rid of everything that had been choking him for the last hour. Once the last petal, for now, was finally out, Jason wiped the blood from his mouth and put his helmet back on.

“You need to tell them.”

Jason looked up to see Dick approaching, and he finally stood. “There’s nothing to tell.”

Dick scoffed. “This has been happening since you were 13. It’ll go away if you just admit it.”

“Drop it, Grayson,” Jason warned as he brushed past Dick, knocking his shoulder as he did.

When he finally got to his apartment, Jason collapsed in his bed with a heavy sigh. As much as he hated it, Dick was right. If he just told you his feelings, the whole thing would stop. No more coughing up petals, or entire flowers, with the stems, if he thought of you too much.

But he couldn’t.

You deserved better than him, so he would suffer gladly if it meant you never found out. It was better that way.

—-

_Rain soaked your clothes, all black from the occasion. It had started to rain while everyone was outside and you had to admit that it was fitting._

_You slammed your door shut and sunk down against it to sit on the floor. Tears ran down your cheeks as everything from the last week hit you full force._

_Jason was gone._

_The young boy who you’d come to care for over the past two years, the one you trained and patrolled and joked with. He’d been taken from the world violently and far too soon._

_You couldn’t help blaming yourself somewhat. Maybe if you hadn’t let him leave on his own, he would still be alive. You wouldn’t feel so alone._

_You loved Dick and Barbara, but Jason was different. He had a special place in your heart, something you hadn’t realized until he was gone. And now you would never see him again._

_A sob left your throat, but there was another feeling, like something large clawing its way up. Breathing was difficult, though you made it into the bathroom. You’d been feeling ill since the day you got the news, but this was different._

_You fell to your knees in front of the toilet and the familiar taste of blood touched your tongue, the fluid running out of your mouth and dripping into the water. It felt more like vomiting than coughing as you forced the thing up._

_Once you could feel it in your mouth, you reached in and pulled some out, finally seeing what it was._

_Several red rose petals, stained with blood._

_You pulled out the last little bit and spit out all of the remaining blood in your mouth. You stared at the bloody petals, sobbing harder as you realized what it meant._

_That your heart had been buried with Jason Todd._

—-

You were sitting in your apartment, poring over your textbook and taking notes when you felt the familiar sensation. “Dammit,” You cursed under your breath, grabbing a tissue from the box on your desk.

You coughed and coughed, finally getting out several petals from a dark red rose, along with enough blood to soak the tissue. You tossed the bloody paper into the trash bin next to your desk and folded your arms over your textbook, resting your head on them with a sigh.

Six years of this, and all because you couldn’t cop to your feelings.

Well, you could, but you knew that Jason would never feel the same way. Maybe he could have years ago, before he died and things changed, but now? Telling him would ruin your friendship and make things even more awkward.

The affliction, the Hanahaki disease, could be cured if you just admitted it to him, and sadly you never would. You were resigned to spending the rest of your life coughing up blood and roses, loving someone you couldn’t have. It wouldn’t kill you, but it was very frustrating to deal with and even worse to hide from others.

It was an easy choice between tolerating it and possibly losing the person you loved most.

—-

The two of you had been paired together on patrol, and you honestly weren’t happy about it. You did everything you could to avoid it, but it didn’t always work. This time, Bruce had told you to ‘deal with it’, which annoyed you to no end.

But Jason was okay with it. He liked being around you, he always had, so he could probably force the flowers to stay in his lungs for a while, at least until he got a moment away from you. He did notice the way you tried to get out of patrolling with him though, and that only added fuel to his belief that you should never know his feelings.

You sat on the edge of a roof with your legs dangling down, and Jason stood nearby with one foot up on the ledge. “I didn’t think it was possible to have a slow moment in Gotham,” you said, looking out over the city. Nothing had happened in your assigned area for at least ten minutes. No robberies, no muggings, nothing. It was unusual.

Against his better judgement, Jason came down and sat next to you, letting out a sigh. “It won’t last long. I’m sure Scarecrow’s planning to poison the water supply or something.”

“He tries that at least once a month. You would think he learned his lesson by now.” You paused for a moment and looked over at him, feeling it get a bit harder to breathe. “Do you remember the first time we fought him together?”

“He tried to get you with fear toxin, but you punched him in the face and knocked him out cold before he could.” Jason smiled under his mask, thinking about that night and how much he’d admired you back then. He ended up coughing up about two roses worth of petals when he got back to the Batcave afterwards because he kept replaying that punch in his mind.

You laughed and Jason could feel the weight slowly growing in his lungs. “I only knocked him out so easily because you already kicked his ass before that. I miss those days sometimes…Do you?” You tried to take a breath, but it was mostly blocked. It was going to be a big one this time, just because you were in his presence.

“Just bits and pieces. I liked working with you,” Jason admitted, and your cheeks flushed against your will.

_'I liked it too’_ , you wanted to say, but instead you scrambled from the ledge and fell onto your hands and knees. Jason was there in a second, finding you struggling for breath and coughing violently.

The mass made its way up your airway, and you heard Jason saying something, but it was muffled by the roaring in your ears. You could feel it slicing up your airway as you forced it further up.

Blood came out first, splattering against the rooftop, then the object finally made it up to the back of your throat. You tried to spit it out, but it wouldn’t come, so you had to reach in and slowly pull it out, causing an awful burn in your throat.

Finally, you were able to see a complete bloom, as well as the start of a thorny stem. A tear escaped your eye under your domino mask as one of the thorns ripped through your throat. Once you had it all the way out, you dropped it on the ground and swallowed, feeling the sting from the wounds.

Jason had his hand on your back, not knowing what else to do because in his experience, no one else could really help, you just had to get it out. He watched you carefully as you sat back on your heels and wiped the blood from your lips, a whole swirl of emotions in his head. Fear from watching you cough up your own blood, jealousy at the realization that you loved someone else, hurt from watching you suffer the same illness he did. He could feel himself get a bit lightheaded and short of breath the more he thought about it. “How long?”

You internally cursed Bruce for putting you in this situation and took a deep breath, wincing slightly. “Six years.”

“Eight.” Jason added hesitantly, and your jaw dropped when you realized what he meant.

“You have it too?” You couldn’t help being disappointed. You knew there was no way he loved you, but it hurt to know that he was in love with someone else.

“Yeah. Haven’t had a stem in a while though.” Jason took your hand and helped you stand, a stabbing pain in his airway telling him that he jinxed himself. He’d spent too much time around you. “You should call it a night and go home. I’ll talk to Bruce. I’m sure he knows anyway.”

“What doesn’t he know?” You laughed weakly then gave him a small smile. “Thanks.”

He just barely nodded in response. “Go get some rest.”

Jason watched as you grappled off of the roof, preparing himself to go through the same thing you just did.

—-

It wasn’t supposed to go like this, but when did a mission ever turn out exactly the way it was supposed to?

Instead of a simple in and out, you’d taken a bullet to the abdomen, and you were trying to hide it as much as possible until everyone was in the clear. But Dick and Jason eventually saw the blood staining your suit when you had to lean against the wall, the feeling leaving your limbs from the blood loss. You collapsed to the ground, lightheaded, and Jason rushed to your side. “(Y/N)?!”

Your body started to feel too cold and you realized you must have lost more blood than you thought, probably from internal bleeding. “Shit, that’s not good,” you slurred, feeling woozy.

Jason applied pressure to your wound, arguing with Dick about something you couldn’t quite hear over the pounding in your ears. He turned to look at you again and said something, but you were just barely holding on, so you didn’t hear that either.

Your vision started to dim and you honestly weren’t sure if you were going to make it. You just wished Jason weren’t wearing his helmet so you could see him one more time, if it really was the end. “I love you, Jason…” You said softly before slipping out of consciousness.

—-

After treating you, Alfred set you up in your old room at the manor so you could rest. Jason sat in a chair at the other end of the room, just waiting for you to wake up. Things had been dicey there for a minute with the internal damage, but you were expected to make a full recovery.

Jason kept thinking about what you’d said to him as you bled out in his arms, the words echoing through his head. Several times he had to run to the bathroom down the hall and cough up entire flowers so he could breathe, hurrying back to be there when you woke up. Whenever that was going to happen. He let out a heavy sigh and ran his hand back through his messy hair.

You said you _loved_ him, and he honestly thought you only said it because you were so out of it. But Alfred had to scan your torso for the surgery and Jason was there to see it.

When someone has Hanahaki disease, the flowers will show up on a scan.

Yours showed nothing. Not even a petal.

He knew for a fact that you’d been suffering pretty badly from the disease only a week ago. Unless you’d suddenly confessed to the person in that time.

Yeah, that had to be it. How could someone like you love someone like him anyway?

“Jason?” His head snapped up and there you were, awake and looking at him through tired eyes. He probably looked just as exhausted, not sleeping a wink since you got hurt.

You didn’t even remember getting there, just a blank space between passing out and waking up in Wayne Manor, nice and numbed up. Jason was pulling the chair up next to the bed when you remembered what had happened _before_ you passed out.

“Did I really say that?” The ease of your breathing, the lack of a weight in your lungs, gave you your answer, and it just made things worse. “Oh my god.” You covered your face with your hands.

And your reaction gave Jason _his_ answer, the confirmation hurting even though he already knew. “It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean it. You’d lost a lot of blood.”

“I did mean it and that’s the problem.” You tried to sit up, but a dull ache in your abdomen kept you right where you were. Thank god for pain meds. “I never wanted to tell you.”

“You’re saying that you…love me?”

“Yeah, I do,” you said quietly. “I didn’t realize it until you died, but I do. And I never planned on telling you because I didn’t want to lose you permanently when you found out. Because I know you could never love someone like me.”

The two of you sat in silence for a moment, both staring down and away from each other. You were trying to hold back tears, so you carefully moved to lay on your side, facing away from him.

Jason cursed himself when he heard you sniffle softly. He was hurting you and he hadn’t even said a word about his feelings. Yes, you deserved so much better than him, but could he really continue letting you think you weren’t good enough when, in fact, it was the opposite?

You were hoping he would leave so you could wallow and beat yourself up on your own. You just wanted to fall asleep again and wake up like none of it ever happened. Hacking up a dozen roses would be better than this.

“I love you, too.” Jason felt instant relief, the damned roses in his lungs finally withering away and leaving him able to breathe fully again.

You froze a moment then turned back slightly to look at him. His eyes met yours, and if you hadn’t already confessed, you’d have an entire bouquet trying to force its way out of your lungs just from that. “Really?”

He nodded. “Since I was 13. But you deserve better than me. You always have. It’s why I never said anything.”

Your eyes were still watery from before, so you wiped that away with your sleeve as you moved back to your previous position, no longer turned away. “There _is_ no one better. Not to me.” You took his hand with a smile and he gave you a soft one in return. “You look tired, Jason. Have you slept?”

“Not really.” He’d been too worried about you and what you said to him to even think about sleeping.

“You should try. I’ll be here when you wake up.” You said, lightly squeezing his hand.

He wanted to debate, tell you that he was fine, but he hadn’t slept in over two days and he saw himself in the mirror earlier. It was obvious. So he tried his best to get comfortable in the chair and closed his eyes, not letting go of your hand. You did the same, because even though you were out for a while, you were still exhausted.

As you fell asleep, you thought about how, even though it took a near fatal injury, you were glad everything finally came out. Neither of you had to hide and suffer anymore, and it felt right. _Like that was how it was always meant to be._


End file.
